Theology and Literature Journal intro: Can We Harness Religion?

I'm not really sure where I fall in these spiritual categories.  I think I'm more of an ethical person, with glimpses of the religious.  Is it possible to be ethical for selfish reasons?  I tend to be ethical and just when it suits me.  When it makes me feel good, or I see that something's in it for me, then of course justice is the answer.  However, I'm much more likely to be self-serving and want instant gratification.  It may be primitive, and anti-altruistic, but I think it has a lot to do with self-preservation.  When you think about it the whole idea of ethics and politics is about making sure you don't get the wrong end of the stick in a compromise.  No one wants to end up on the bottom of the ladder all the time but I have to be at their ethical best at least most of the time and hope that everyone else will be too.  We try to kid ourselves that we are like Kierkegaard or Levinas in our view of ourselves or others.  Sometimes I think I might actually be grasping what Kierkegaard calls religious, but very much like what Aaron experiences on the plane in Bee Season, it is transitory: it cannot be sought, and is gone too quickly; it is deeply felt, rather than processed intellectually; it is often too complex to understand, and even more difficult to describe to others verbally.  I've had various experiences which fit this definition.  I have been religious, but I will fail if I try to be religious, even if I try to humbly attempt to re-create religious experiences of which I have already been a part.  I have been a stumbling child, an accidental but willing participant, blinking in the light of a sun (or Son) which I can never effectively force to rise.  All in all, I think the best argument as to why I haven't fallen into hedonism completely, is that most examples I've seen of reckless abandon require physical accessibility and lack of consideration and/or dependence on others which is almost impossible with quadriplegia.  I suppose I should consider myself reasonably lucky in this particular instance, that I've been disallowed in some ways, from experiencing this "lower stage".